Part 17 The Chronicles Of Being Sarah Marie
“You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up; Who The Fuck Did I Divorce?”
(Disclaimer: What I did to protect myself was risky and may not work for you. Please exercise caution, and if you feel threatened or find yourself in an abusive situation, seek help, tell a friend or loved one, and BE SAFE.)
The cruelty and abuse first began with a betrayal so deep, it crushed my soul. The conversation below begins behaviors and actions that led to an emotional roller coaster ride, mental torture, the tug of war and anguish on my heart, soul and the constant back and forth of his love and devotion for me, promises to always protect and provide without condition, to reminders that “I was black, sick, a woman, and wouldn’t have shit” if it wasn’t for him, and threats to take it all away if I didn’t stay in line, play the game, give him the respect he paid for, and in my opinion conform to what he deemed acceptable.
I found myself having to cater to and tread lightly around his emotions, his ego, his insecurities, and his emotional fragility. It was exhausting denying my own pain and walking on eggshells around the very person that deceived, dishonored, disrespected, was disloyal to, and betrayed ME!
All of this “could” have led to my demise, but instead has healed past trauma’s of fear and of not speaking up for myself, has revealed my character, strength, and has sparked a fire in me to fight for the rights of survivors and do what I know is the Divine Purpose on my life.💝
THE TIMELINE:
June 27, 2020
After 3 months of speculation, suspicion, anguish and watching how the behaviors of my husband and my nephew’s wife around each other shifted, it was confirmed that not only were they having an affair but they were legit building a relationship; I confronted my husband and asked for divorce. He denied the affair, told me I was crazy, everything he did not like about being in a marriage with me, how he felt closer to me after getting that off-his-chest, and ignored my request for a divorce. I cried myself to sleep.
July 10, 2020
Dick received divorce papers via email after 2 weeks of continuing to deny the affair and lie to my face. This is how he CHOSE to react, disrespect, threaten, bully, chastise and speak to me. I was paralyzed with fear, after he hit the TV tray as hard as he could it shook me to the core. His eyes went dark, and I hit record.
This is only ~28 minutes of ONE, 1 hour; 45 minutes and 57 second conversation. Keep in mind, at this time I had ONLY filed for a simple divorce.🤯
(This convo is verbatim with the exception of names that have been changed.)
Dick:
So, what you call loving you, and, if I did't care about you Sarah ok, shit would have been a whole lot different…everything I have done, within what I am really good at doing, is because I care about you, pure and simple. You can discount it all you want because the roses and fucking Lilly’s got fucking brown, but that’s your world. You’ve been afforded the opportunity to live in that world, that bubble…
Sarah:
Dick just like you said, when we were talking in here, I have worked my ass off for 15 years and you’re not gonna take anything from me…
Dick:
As long as you don't go behind my back and try to work against me, cause that could get you killed Sarah, that could get you killed…
Sarah:
how could that get me killed…
Dick:
Here’s how, you don't ever, ever, ever go behind my back and have a conversation with somebody from the legal world or any world that can try to fuck with me. You definitely don’t go to some $200 fucking lawyer, So you went behind my back instead of sitting down and having a conversation, which I’ve been telling you, let’s sit down and have a conversation, you got yo…
Sarah:
Uh, but you wanted to sit down and have a conversation and sit here and lie and make me continue to believe in you, and I mean you were kissing me on my neck in there talking about, don’t act like you don’t want me to kiss you…
Dick:
It’s really good that I had the chance to calm down cause I’m gonna tell you this Sarah, had those papers been served while you were with me, I would be in jail for murder that night…
Sarah:
for killing me? …
Dick:
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely 100%…
Sarah:
Wow…
Dick:
I would have fucking lit you up…
Sarah:
Because I filed for divorce…
Dick:
Because you went behind MY back and you put other people from the legal world in my shit …see you didn’t go sit in prison for three years ok…
Sarah:
Dick…
Dick:
just shut up and listen to me…
Sarah:
How does a divorce put you in prison…
Dick:
The fact that you have to ask that question…
Sarah:
I mean Dick, I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.
Dick:
How many people get fucked over accidentally because the other person was too stupid…
Sarah:
Over a divorce? A divorce?
Dick:
Sweetie, if I worked at McDonalds that’s fine, I have a multimillion-dollar business. There are other interests at play here that have nothing to do with a fucking divorce or a fucking marriage. They have to do with a business relationship also. Because a marriage is also business, Sarah, it is.
Sarah:
(Sighs)
Dick:
You and your fucking unicorn world that you live in, ya’ll don’t know shit about this real shit.
Sarah:
…sighs…So, um you don’t want to be in this marriage, and you were going to get a divorce anyway…
Dick:
No, I wasn’t going to blindside you, no, we were going to sit down and have a discussion, a real discussion about how to do things the right way, that minimizes damage, it minimizes collateral damage, it minimizes impact, and it makes sure all the financial interests are taken care of.
Sarah:
MmmHmm ok.
Dick:
And I will deal with people that we can trust. Cause I don’t deal with people that I cannot trust.
I don’t trust $200 lawyers because they’re fucking opportunist, and they go digging, hey let me see what else they have, let me see what there is, man I can get her… that’s why Meghan almost got fucked off dealing with Angel, and I was like Angel, you gone get Meghan fucked off and guess what Angel did, she was smart, let’s see how smart you’re gonna be, because you live in a bubble sweetie, you live in a bubble where you really think the most important thing in life is love…that’s real easy to think when you live in a $4k/mo house, you drive an $800/mo car, you have ins policies, you have everything you…most of what you need because you got somebody who’s a hustler who’s making it happen. It is real easy to tell yourself that love is more important…I don’t give a fuck about love, what I give a fuck about is making sure that my daughter’s and the people I’m responsible for don’t get fucked in the ass by this fucking world.
You got sick, they took your fucking car, that was the reality Sarah. It don’t matter how beautiful you were, how nice you were, it doesn’t matter who your family was, you couldn’t perform so they took it from you, you should have gotten a wake-up call that day, that this world does not function the way you think it is…you should have gotten a wake-up call that day; and let’s keep it real Sarah, you got me from another woman. You put your pussy in my mouth 4 days after being introduced to a woman you at least knew I was living with, now you wasn’t so worried about me being low down then…
Sarah:
Ummm, I did not know who Cookie was, I did not know…
Dick:
You knew I was living with her right…(Dick talking over Sarah)
Sarah & Dick:
Uh yeah (Dick talking over me) …ok so you knew at a minimum we were together…yes and I have gone through that…so you didn’t have a problem with it then…when you benefitted from it you didn’t have an issue with it then right? When you benefitted you didn’t have a problem with it (him laughing)
Dick, Dick what you told me is that you and Cookie were on the outs and that you were about to have a fucking heart attack with her, was it my fault that I got involved with you, yes…(Dick talking over me…you fucked her man and you didn’t have a problem with me being low down then)…was it my fault for getting involved with you, yes, and I have taken responsibility for that…
Dick:
You went behind my back; how did you think I was gonna receive this divorce shit?
Sarah:
Dick, I really wasn’t even thinking about that, because I wanted you to move on and be with who you wanted to be with and me to be at peace and not have to be in a house with a man that’s lying to me every fucking day.
Dick:
Okay
Sarah:
You were lying to me everyday Dick. You are fucking my niece…
Dick:
Okay
Sarah:
And I mean, if that’s what you want to do, that is what you want to do, and go do it…
Dick:
Do you want to forfeit a six-million-dollar check? Do you want to give up a six-million-dollar check?
Sarah:
Sighs
Dick:
Do you have any clue how stupid that is? Because Sarah I don’t think you understand the fundamental thing that there is more to our relationship than just the relationship. Who else have you had this discussion with?
Sarah:
No one.
Dick:
You sure?
Sarah:
Yes.
Dick:
You absolutely sure?
Sarah:
Absolutely.
Dick:
Ok, well, I gotta go to court cause we’re taking Dolphin’s ass down in September, so you need to get that shit reversed because you have literally thrown a monkey wrench on that, which was fucking stupid…
Sarah:
A divorce? I don’t get it…
Dick:
If you want to continue to insult my intelligence, because I know more than you do. I’m smarter than you when it comes to this, ok
Sarah:
About what?
Dick:
So this is not the world that you function in. You don’t function in a world with people being at each other’s throats and the cutthroat games that people play, you don’t function in that world; so please don’t insult my intelligence by saying: “a divorce”, don’t do that, don’t do that cause you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.
Sarah:
Okay
Dick:
But I go to court in September to take this motherfucker down and I don’t need this being a part of that. Pure and simple. It was stupid and it made me not trust you. Totally…
Sarah:
You don’t trust ME?
Dick:
Sarah, I don’t give a fuck about the relationship…
Sarah:
I know you don’t give a fuck about me Dick, that is clear…
Dick:
I’m talking about business interests. I don’t trust you with my business interests…
Sarah:
I know you don’t care Dick, that is clear
Dick:
Well baby, hey listen, shit happens. Shit happens. But even in the midst of shit happening, guess what, the light bill still comes, the car note still comes, the phone bill still comes, they all still come and have to be paid for baby. “The landlords” have not said, well they’re going through a rough time so we’re just gonna donate the house to them, it don’t work that way baby, it don’t work that way. And the way you handle something like this if you care about the woman or whomever, is you set things up…look at me when I’m talking to you please…Look at me when I’m talking to you Sarah. You can play miss independent all you want, but right now this is a conversation you need to understand. The way you do this right if you care about the woman and ya’ll gonna get a divorce, you set her up for life. Now, you get with somebody else and you get married, guess what, he needs to take care of that shit. I’m not getting ready to make you rich and fuck around and let somebody else benefit but until that happens, you set her up for life.
You make it so she doesn’t have to lift a finger if she doesn’t want to…don’t go get some $200 backyard fucking lawyer to come at me, cause that will get you fucked up Sarah, badly, that will get your whole shit wrecked, and I am truly glad that I was with Cookie and not here when I got that shit, because she’s half the reason I didn’t come over here and choke you out anyway, cause she talked me out of the tree…you don’t do that with me cause that’s dangerous, I am dangerous, very dangerous. And you, you and your self-righteousness, you, you detest my low downness when it doesn’t work for you.
Sarah:
Takes deep breath
Dick:
And your situation has required a lot, a whole lot, so you play this fucking violin about I don’t care about you woman you have no clue what it feels like to not be cared about by me, no clue. It ain’t pretty. It ain’t pretty Sarah. So like I told you before, where I put my dick has nothing to do with the other side of the house which is, are you interests protected?
14:00 - 15:20
Sarah I am definitely not somebody you want to be enemies with. I am definitely not somebody that you don’t want to not trust you …I don’t give a fuck what you feel about me as far as the personal relationship is concerned but from the biz interest at hand, the shit that really matters, yeah you need to care, cause you have a lot to lose. And your speech sounds real wonderful: oh if I have to go start over, yeah that sounds real good babe, that sounds real good, but it’s bullshit.
Sarah:
Mmm ok.
Dick:
And if you don’t think it is, I hadn’t seen you pack up and move, I’m amazed that you’re so resolved that you didn’t need me, you don’t care about the car, the money, I haven’t seen you pack one thing thing or turn over one set of keys so obviously you’re trying to hold on to some creature comforts that you have because you like them. True or not?
Sarah:
Uh, because I fucking deserve them.
Dick:
Yes until you go behind my back and try to fuck over me.
Sarah:
Until I go behind YOUR back and try to fuck over you?
Dick:
Yeah, that’s what you did. Because you weren’t smart enough to realize: the man’s been trying to talk to me, let me just talk to him then I’ll decide if I’m a go…sweetie, have you ever known me to go get a $200 anything? The guy that hangs the tv’s at the club don’t even charge $200. No have you ever known me to go associate people like that in my business? Answer me that question. Have you ever known me to go get the lowest bidder? Huh? To get in my shit? The right way to handle this: “Attorney”, I need you to come over to the house, me and my wife are going to divorce, we want lawyers from your firm to handle it, and let’s do it in an amicable…that’s the way…Do you understand me Sarah? Because see “my attorney” is making a whole bu…LOOK AT ME…cause you really need to understand this. “He” is making a whole bunch of money off of me so he’s going to protect my interests. You got some fucking bootleg, fucking janky mother fucka out there in my shit now, you lucky I didn’t get served while you were here, I would have killed you, I’m serious, I’m dead serious.
Sarah:
Ok.
Dick:
You took a chance, and you knew what you were doing. I don’t believe for 5 seconds this lawyer is so bad that he didn’t inform you that he’s gonna file…serve papers and file ‘em…you can’t even initiate the divorce unless you file. You can’t fucking do a service if the lawsuit hasn’t been filed.
Sarah:
Ok
Dick:
You can’t, and the fact that you didn’t know that or the fact that you wasn’t even smart enough to ask, you took a big chance; cause I would have torn this mutha fucka down, with you in it, blindsiding me like that. Don’t fuck with me like that Sarah. And you shake your head in dismay, and you know why it’s so foreign to you, because I have protected you from the real world for 15 fucking years.
Sarah:
Yeah so what were you going to do, just continue like this charade of you know being married to me…fucking Tricksy
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
No we would have had a conversation and I would have been like look Diva, this shit ain’t working uh…
Sarah:
When were you gonna have…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
I’ve been trying to talk to you for a week, I said let’s talk, let’s talk
Sarah:
Dick, you have been talking about, baby this ain’t no referendum on um our relationship
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
It’s not, it’s not
Sarah:
This is not the end of Dick & S…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
First of all did I not say to you let’s have a conversation? Have I not said that 3 or 4 times over the last week and you said I’m just not ready yet, it’s cause you were plotting against me, it’s cause you were plotting…
Sarah:
No I wasn’t plotting against you Dick…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
Then why didn’t you tell me, why didn’t tell me what you were doing?
Sarah:
Because of this very reason, because of this very reason…Sarah…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
Oh so you thought blindsiding me and having me fucking served through email was gonna be a better resolve…
Sarah:
I didn’t know how they were gonna do it or what was…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
Well you were stupid enough not to ask either…
Sarah:
Yeah, and that should tell you Dick, that I just don’t want to be in a situation where I am being disrespected, devalued, I mean just no regard, no regard…(Dick interrupting that has nothing to do with this)…just no regard (Dick interrupting that has nothing to do with this)…for anyone, for me, for…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
Oh, all you fucking people benefit from me…
Sarah:
All you fucking people? Who is all you fucking people?
Dick:
Oh name somebody in my circle who doesn’t benefit from all the shit that I do, starting with yo ass…
Sarah:
And Dick that is the problem…
Dick:
Oh…
Sarah:
You have a lot of people that only want what you have to offer, they don’t really care…
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
No, no they benefit from…
Sarah:
About you…I mean
Dick interrupting and talking over me:
They benefit from what I…sweetie, my own fucking daughters benefit from the way I am…
Sarah:
Do you know that and maybe this is just who you need in um your life, I don’t know, but this low down ass cunt coming in my home, and the place of business that I helped you build, I’m the one that got her that fucking job, I’m the one that cut for her, I’m the one that asked Cookie if she could get paid you know $15/hr so that she could leave the other job that she hated…Dick saying MmmmHmmm…I’m the one that has been her biggest cheerleader, Dick saying MmmmHmmm… and you want someone like that who goes behind my back, with my husband and calls me Auntie Sarah, and is supposed to love me, that bitch see’s dollar signs when she looks at you. She see’s the Club and she wants a part of it…and now you have her name on “business things” and all of that shit…
Dick:
Here’s what you do need to know, you do need to know that you don’t ever go behind my back and fuck over me ever and have a conversation with any fucking body…
Sarah:
Sighs with deep breath…Okay.
Dick:
Oh is this annoying you, is this bothering you?
Sarah:
No what’s annoying me is that YOU decided to put your dick…Dick sighs…in a gold diggin ass cunt…
Dick:
Sweetie any bitch that’s willing to be a side piece is a hoe…
Sarah:
…and giveaway 15 years, you asked me, do you think I’m stupid enough to give away 15 years of a relationship with you over some 29 year old? Do you think I’m that stupid?
Dick:
Sweetie, I think you’re confused bout something, you need to understand this, the best that I have gotten out of this relationship, is the fact that I was taking care of you, you need to get that. That’s the absolute best that I have gotten out of this relationship…and it’s not your fault…
Sarah:
Oh, you haven’t gotten ANYTHING from me at all…
Dick:
That’s not what I said, listen to me, again, I’ll say it slowly, the best that I have gotten out of this relationship was knowing that I have been taking care of you. The best that I will get out of my life is knowing that I am going to, well you disrupted that but I think we can fix it, is taking care of you so I think you’ve been confused and maybe you’ve been confused because I sold you on the wrong thing…
Sarah:
Totally
Dick:
From the day I met you, all I wanted to do was take care of you, I never should have married you…listen to me…but,
Sarah:
That is a fact…
Dick:
But, but, but, your legs were willingly thrown open pretty damn quick, and you were really, really, really on board, you’ve gotten a lot out of it, there’s a lot more…everybody sees dollar signs, and they should…
Sarah:
Dick…
Dick:
And if I were gonna align myself…
Sarah:
Dick…
Dick:
with somebody, any other bitch, you think I’m gonna…if you and Cookie can do it, you think I don’t think any of these other bitches can do it? These bitches that are willing to open their legs for the benefit? So what you need to understand, and this is the conversation we would have had, had you decided to actually have a conversation with me instead of going behind my back and putting some shit out there in public fucking record…how fucking stupid can you fucking be, cause that’s really the biggest problem, that’s the only problem Sarah, is that you brought a 3rd party who only has an interest of winning for you, by forcing me to lose and brought them into my shit…
Sarah:
What do you mean, forcing you to lose, what do you mean? What do you mean?
Dick:
Have you ever filed for divorce before?
Sarah:
Ummm, no…
Dick:
Ok so is it probably safe to say that you might not know what the fuck you’re doing? You ever been with somebody that had a $3.5 million dollar business? Sarah sighs…no have you ever been with somebody…
Sarah interrupts:
But Dick, if I’m not asking for anything except my home…Dick interrupts, don’t be naïve…and the car… Dick interrupts, don’t be naïve…that’s it…
Dick:
How do you think the home and car gets paid for?
Sarah:
Ummm, I do make a salary, right?
Dick:
You don’t make enough to pay for a home and car baby, no it’s just the truth. With your therapy and everything else on top of…Sarah sighs…no seriously, Sarah, honest conversation, you do not make enough even if you made $10k/mo to afford all that you really need. Wake up Sarah, you’re living in a fantasy land…
Sarah:
Ok
Dick:
I’ve already answered that question.
Well, here’s the deal, whatever I do in the future, I’m going to do it first and foremost, based on what I need to make sure I am equally at peace with where I’m at instead of being in a dynamic where I’m consistently cutting off pieces of me in order to feed that relationship.
Sarah:
Yeah, and you definitely don’t need to be…cause I never wanted that for you, I never wanted that for you.
Dick:
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, let’s keep it real babe, let’s keep it real, you may not have wanted me to do it, but you benefitted from me doing it. Let’s keep it real.
Sarah:
Dick the bottom line is, if I have benefitted, it is because I have been here with you, loving you…
Dick:
No boo
Sarah:
Working my ass off
Dick:
It’s because, I made it happen
Sarah:
To support
Dick:
No, I made it happen, and you supported it
Sarah:
Ok
Dick:
No seriously, you supported it. Let’s keep it real. You supported it, without question, that’s not even a question.
Sarah:
Ok
Dick:
But sweetie, sweetheart, you haven’t even been to work in 2 weeks and you still getting a check.
Sarah:
No, I haven’t.
Dick:
Ok and I’m cool with that. I wanted that for you, cause I want you to be safe.
I know this for a fact, without me, your life would have been real fucked up unless some other magic, unicorn came along. Now you can deny that all you want and believe whatever you want, the shit wasn’t gone happen. You’re a black woman with an illness, ok. You got a lot of strikes against you and it’s very hard to navigate this world with that. But guess what, because of what I am and what I do, you at least have a much better chance…and now it’s really good cause fuck 5, 6 grand a month, house, car, you don’t have to work and stay and focus on your therapies, I take care of her. I only wanna take care of you because I spent a long time trying to save you. Any relationship I have had outside of our marriage has been because of the frustration and pressure of living constantly day to day in order to try to save someone. I can not save you anymore. I do not want to save you anymore.
Sarah:
No, it’s really counterproductive
Dick:
Let me finish, please thank you, let me finish
Sarah:
Dick, you are a motherfuckin asshole…
Dick:
Well you keep interrupting me when I’m talking
Sarah:
I ain’t interrupted you once
Dick:
Ok go head, it’s counterproductive
Sarah:
Yes, it’s counterproductive
Dick:
Ok
Sarah:
Being in this relationship with you. Just like you said, you know but I never, ever thought that I wished I had never met you, you know cause that’s what you said.
Dick:
And I meant it, I meant that, and I didn’t mean it from the perspective of what you’re gonna blow that into, what I meant is that because I am captain save a ho, you were my biggest project because of all that came with that.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
What you don’t understand, unless you gone tell me something really stupid, I do still want to take care of you and that’s going to require a lot. I’m ok with that, just don’t go behind my back. Just don’t do no shit to make me not trust you where my business interests are concerned. I don’t give a fuck if my legacy is Dick was a fucked up husband. The only legacy I care about is he provided for his girls and this country can not shit on them. That’s the only one I care about. I don’t need my name on the side of a building. I don’t need somebody standing over me when I’m dead telling all these lies; Dick was an asshole, he’s a dickhead, he’s crazy, he’s arrogant, he’s cocky, but he took care of his girls. That’s the only legacy I care about Sarah. The only one.
Sarah:
Ok
Dick:
Period. Ever. And fortunately for you, you are one of those girls.
THERE IS STILL ~1Hour, 17 MINUTES AND 44 SECONDS LEFT ON THIS “ONE” RECORDING.
July 11, 2020
I rescinded the divorce out of fear of his threats, and the thoughts of losing everything I worked for. It was terrifying. I said nothing to anyone, got in line and complied like a good little girl.
What Is Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Thoughts/Reflections:
Based on the above definition of Domestic Abuse from www.un.org:
1. What’s parts of this conversation, if any, would you consider abusive and cruel?
2. How important would it be to notify someone after a conversation like this? Why?
3. Have you ever experienced this type of communication with an intimate partner? If yes, did you blame yourself and why?
4. Has someone ever used your vulnerabilities against you in order to intimidate and control your behavior?
“Narcissists learn if they flatter and charm the right people, they get a free pass to abuse other others, because no one believes the victims.
- Unknown
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Continue to part 18!