LISTEN!

In the words of Donnie McClurkin:

“After you’ve done all you can, just STAND!”

I AM Standing! In the Truth!  Up For Myself!  For A Community Of Survivors!  For The Vulnerable!  The Disabled!  Those Who Are Living In Fear!  Those Who’s Voices Have Been Silenced!

It didn’t matter how much I wanted to be free, the truth is my reality was living within the intersection of having a disability and his financial control.

The feeling of being trapped was amplified when my autonomy was predicated by whether or not he was happy, and I was compliant.

LISTEN!

I spoke to a dear friend that I’ve known for over 30 years just yesterday, and was shocked to hear that she too has been “growing” through some of the same unnecessary court appearances and venom with her ex-husband.

She shared with me the profound psychological, emotional, financial and physical impact it has had on her.  She was totally unaware that I was dealing with the same thing.

Although she hated to hear about my mirroring experience, the relief in her voice knowing that I understood, could relate, that she wasn’t alone, and being able to offer her a different perspective, and one that empowered her sense of self, as crazy as this sounds; it made the last 6 years of my journey worth it.🤗

LISTEN!

So, today was one of those days. As I was preparing to do a video for this series, I stood up from my walker to sit in the chair, missed it entirely, hit the floor and ended up doing the video sitting right where I landed.🤗

Seriously, it took me 18 minutes to figure out how to get my ass up .  Every time I would push up using my left hand as leverage just to get to my knees, my left shoulder (yes, the one I dislocated a couple of years ago) kept snap, crackle, popping, and giving out.🤢

It wasn’t cute, but my determination to not let the floor win, was sexy as hell! I needed a cocktail.🍹

Anyone that knows me, understands that my methods of dealing with the atrocities of life as they show up is to find ways to laugh through the pain, at the situation, or at myself, which ultimately gives everyone around me permission to do the same.

In revisiting the last 6 years of trauma, surprisingly, has become an empowering pathway toward healing my heart.

LISTEN!

"Surviving is the ultimate plot twist; you didn't just escape the fire, you walked out with enough spark to light up the whole world—and probably the sense to never let anyone play with matches near you again. Remember, you aren't just a survivor; you're the masterpiece that the storm couldn't wash away.”

I just wanted to share a few nuggets of encouragement on the importance of staying the course toward your higher calling.

Even when you encounter opposition or forces that seek to derail your progress, it is vital to remember that your purpose is greater than any obstacle placed in your path.

LISTEN!

Happy Woman’s History Month!

"Owning our story can be difficult, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it!” - Brene Brown

“The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic abuse, is when you attempt to leave or end the relationship.”

- CODA

LISTEN!

I often wonder if my story is making an impact for anyone.

Then, I read your comments, or out-of-the blue, I will get a private message, a text, an email, or even a phone call expressing gratitude and appreciation for being transparent and vulnerable. I got a message saying; “Thank You! I don’t feel alone anymore.”😭

LISTEN!

I rightfully could have filed a lawsuit of my own for defamation, slander, frivolous and malicious prosecution, intentional infliction of emotional distress, mental anguish, domestic abuse, and tortious interference, but have chosen not to (despite what he has CHOSEN to do).

Instead I have continued my journey to heal, grow, laugh, love, experience as much joy as humanly possible in the reality of what is, and create in the chaos.

LISTEN!

“It’s not the trauma that defines us, it’s the courage it takes to survive it and how we choose to move on from it!” Remember: Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s about acting in the presence of it!

LISTEN!

“Let me tell you something most people don’t want to hear: that a narcissist in your life didn’t just stumble there by accident. It wasn’t random, and it wasn’t meaningless. As much as you may hate it, as much as it may feel unfair, there’s a reason they showed up.

We like to think blessings only come wrapped in comfort, but God doesn’t work like that. Sometimes, a blessing comes dressed as a storm. Sometimes, it comes as a thorn. Sometimes, it comes as the one person who drives you to the edge of yourself—not to destroy you, but to show you who you really are. And yes, it’s painful. Yes, it feels like betrayal on repeat. But PAIN HAS A PURPOSE!

Every scar, every sleepless night, and every manipulation you endured pushes you closer to the lesson you were meant to learn. Because God doesn’t waste suffering; He recycles it into strength.”

- Vanessa Ramos

LISTEN!

This is why it took me 9 years to complete my memoir; cause life just keeps on lifeing.🤪

Saturday morning around 1:30am, I went to the restroom and next thing I know, I was wiping up blood, nursing a busted lip and rolling to the freezer to get an ice pack I could sleep on.

I woke up with a fat, cut lip, a bruised left side of my face from the crash, a throbbing headache, and an extreme amount of gratitude that all my teeth were intact.😬

I felt immensely blessed for God’s Divine layer of protection that surrounds me, and a family bond filled with unconditional love, you cannot put a price tag on.

I could have easily pulled the covers over my head, stayed in bed, riddled with feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self-pity. That option would have thoroughly sent me into a state of depression!

LISTEN!

Healing the wounds of trauma, has required more than I could have ever imagined. I have had to dig deep within to find the inner strength to face the reality of my 3 decades long physical dis-ability, as well as the pain staking almost 5-year process of debilitating betrayal and divorcing a narcissistic abuser.

I continue the daily work to love, honor, respect, value, validate and appreciate myself. Trust and believe, it is a moment-to-moment process and practice I have adopted to lift and empower my self worth before sinking into the abyss.

Have you ever had moments where you just scream to the top of your lungs:

FU@K!!!!!!!!😂.

LISTEN!

As much as I wanna skip ahead to my actually finding the courage to file for a divorce the 2nd time in October 2022, I believe it is vital to showcase the dynamics of what I experienced, and how the subtleties of what I call “sweet abuse” shows up.

The confusion I felt, and the uneasiness in my Spirit came from his inconsistencies, contradictions, and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type communication that would shift his countenance and personality from one moment to the next.  The constant vitriol and discourse continued for 2 ½ years.

His kind of “love” was unpredictable and predicated on his mood, delusions, and conditions. IT WASN’T LOVE; IT WAS ALL CONTROL.

LISTEN!

It has been a loooooooong emotionally and physically taxing day.🤪. Awake at 3:30am to ride into work with my sister for my 5th or 6th (lost count) court appearance post divorce.

I wondered how I would feel seeing Dick and Tricksy for the first time in 3 years.

Would I want to slap the sh@t out of them? Would I want to run them down with my wheelchair?  Would I be angry?  Would I cry?

Well, I felt none of those things.  I was just numb to it, all cried out, and immediately started to pray.

LISTEN!

As I continue to hear stories about what other women are experiencing,  I want to interrupt my story to take the opportunity to express that:

1. NO, you are not crazy!  What you are experiencing is valid.

2. NO, you are not alone!  There are millions of women in your exact position, or worse.

3. YES, divorcing a narcissistic abuser is a real problem.

It is vitally important to have an understanding of what it is and how to maintain a healthy mindset, and focus on self-care, as the narcissist continues their destructive, abusive behavior.

LISTEN!

The majority of my days are filled with hope, and positive expectancy, and joy, and gratitude, and faith, and laughter, and so much love; then there are days like yesterday when reality hits me harder than normal. It’s called being human.

So, I got out of bed, pressed my body against the side of the mattress to lean over and reach for my phone that was a little more than an arms reach away. My foot slipped and now my chest was on the bed and my legs were straight behind me.

LISTEN!

Amenable:

(Ready or willing to answer, act, agree, or yield; open to influence, persuasion, or advice; agreeable; submissive; tractable:

an amenable servant.)

The more amenable I was to my husband; the more confidence and ammunition it seemed to give him to fire his weapons of manipulation, love bombing and control.

He flexed his financial dominance and pounced on every single thing I said, or did that did not fall within the parameters of what he deemed acceptable.

I was his emotional punching bag and in a constant state of catering to his insecurities and inflated, yet fragile ego.

The more I purge, the more I feel, the more I heal!🦋

LISTEN!

As challenging as it may be to re-visit the disrespect and emotionally charged mental mind games and trauma “I ALLOWED” from my husband at the time, I am so proud that I finally (2 years later), had the courage to walk away, physical disability and all!  I realized that I was worth more than the disloyalty, dishonor, disrespect, and the dis-ease he continued to dish out!

The more I purge, the more I feel, the more I heal!🦋

LISTEN!

The empathetic part of me has just been praying that this dude would just do the right thing, follow the court orders, be the man he claims to be, STOP filing motions, STOP filing lawsuits, STOP dragging me through the courts, STOP playing the victim, STOP being a coward,  STOP lying, STOP pretending, STOP being vindictive, STOP being petty, STOP being hateful, just STOP!

I believe that (in the words of Kendrick Lamar): “It was God’s plan to show y’all the liar, AND If you stop telling lies about me, I won’t have to tell the truth about you.”

Now it’s August 2020! In the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years that followed, it was a constant struggle to maintain my peace. Having to continue to interact with Dick on any level was hard enough, but to have to now ask him for money, and be reprimanded and reminded that he was reason I lived a “luxury” lifestyle, even though I had paid my dues and earned it, that it could all be taken away; while he was now actively and openly having affairs with both Cookie and Tricksy was diabolical, ruthless and cruel.

LISTEN!

I have often had thoughts of just abandoning this series and aborting the mission, because I convince myself that nobody cares, my story/voice won’t make a difference, no matter how much advocacy work is done, laws and legislation to protect survivors are never gonna change, and more importantly, abusers will continue to abuse with no remorse, empathy, accountability, and will continue to get away with it.

LISTEN!  We are living in a time where joy is depleted and mental health issues are more prevalent than ever.

THANK YOU! Paula Nellums Yancy Georgetta Medlock Tammy Gary Theresa Wilkerson Brown Shari Love-Davis Stephanie Mitchell Davis Ronda Prince

Lori Candon rhoda kauffman Monique Solomon Spence Charlotte Renay Enard and many more @followers

I appreciate and am grateful for every comment, every shared link, the words of encouragement, the rage, the love, the support, financial blessings, all of it!😪♥️

I have met and heard so many heart-wrenching stories of abuse from some of the most courageous women and their bravery encourages me to do the same.