Part 22 The Chronicles Of Being Sarah Marie
“You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up;
Who The Fuck Did I Divorce?”
I felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone.
How do I process and wrap my heart around this level of trauma?
I was mentally, and emotionally drained from his sick, twisted mind games.
More threats. More promises. More I love you’s. More using my disability to remind me of my vulnerability.
It was just a motherfu**ing nightmare having to endure this abuse because he knew I depended on him.
July 31, 2020 (Verbatim)
Dick:
Fantasies that I could cook up about you, and what my exposure to you could do, and I would suggest and hope you would stop doing that as well. Because all you’re doing is stressing yourself out over something that isn’t real.
Sarah:
Yeah…
Dick:
And I don’t want you to have to suffer from that. I ain’t gone do shit to you…this is bad…it’s fucked up, but then again, if you really would consider magnitude…
Sarah:
Uh Huh…
Dick:
You lost a niece and a husband, and you were gonna lose the husband anyway, it just wasn’t gonna be in this fashion…
Sarah:
Right.
Dick:
What I lost is a person who’s been in my business, who has a family that’s a little too much in folks business and tends to blow shit out of proportion, and one word that comes out of your mouth could start a whole chain of events that could affect me. Magnitude matters. Scope matters, and through all of this, I have not done you the way that I should have done you…
Sarah:
Mmm
Dick:
Cause the old Dick wouldn’t have even come talked to you. I just let the whole thing burn down around you while you sat in the middle of it, and then after you were like: Oh God why did this happen to me, then I would tell you, it’s all about that shit you did in Miami, and then you’d be like: but I didn’t do anything, it’d be too late. The old me, Sarah…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
I would have burnt this whole thing down right around your ears…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
I only talked to you, cause I love you, that’s the only reason I came to talk to you, that’s it. So you have nothing to fear of or from me…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
EVER…As long as you are not doing something to me. Intentionally or unintentionally
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
Now because there is a possibility things could be unintentional, is why I came and talked to you after the lawyer thing. I didn’t just react, cause my first mind then…burn it down with her sitting in it…and you have a very good friend named Cookie Dome, who talked me out of that tree…don’t say shit to her, just burn it all down…and she’ll try to figure out well why did you do this.
And trust me, you don’t understand sweetie, I will hire somebody to set you the fuck up an embarrass you publicly, if we had gone to court. If that lawyer had had his way, you would have been hearing and seeing shit that you couldn’t believe. I would hire people to perjurer themselves and lie on you and completely destroy you. Your image, your reputation, everything, and burn it all down…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
I didn’t do that, I came to talk to you…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
And thankfully you were smart enough to rescind that thing, cause if I had to go to court with you, there’s no way you’d win, cause it’s all about who tell’s the best lie, I would tell the best lie.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
You’d never be able to hold your head up again, everybody at that club would be like; man Sarah was out there fucking, and she was doing this and this and this…I would have set you up…and then I would have made sure everybody knew, Dr. Whitaker, anybody who was around you or close to you, I would embarrass you and humiliate you; I would run you out of this country…
Sarah:
Mmmm
Dick:
That’s how bad it would have been. I didn’t do none of that shit…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
Because I love you…and I care about you, and even though what YOU did was fucked up, I love you too much to do that to you. I love you too much to ever treat you like an enemy…so I am sorry for hurting you so badly with my reaction to this whole Miami thing. I wish you would have never said that to Tricksy. I wish you would have never said it to me. There’s a whole lot of I wish, I wish, I wish; but Sarah, I have never done you as bad as I could have and was close to doing. I have never done it, and the reigning factor has been, I love this woman.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
So, you don’t have to be afraid of me. You don’t have to be disgusted to be around me, or any of that. We just need to try to work through this together.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
But if you’re gonna keep denying, then or ignoring or minimizing the magnitude of what happened between Dick and Sarah…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
…we’re never gonna get anywhere. Because I understand that you say it was just a lie, sweetie, it was so much more than that. It represented so many other things that you didn’t even think about…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
…you didn’t think about, well if Dick can’t trust me personally, then he can’t trust me in business.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
You didn’t think that, ok so, I love you, and you ain’t gotta lock no doors, and you don’t… I’m just telling you this cause I don’t want you to live in fear like that sweetheart…
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
I don’t want you to feel that. I want you to feel like this man did something fucked up and I did something fucked up…we are just…it’s fucked up. It’s not something Dick and Sarah has ever been.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
But I don’t want you to feel like you have to be afraid or worried because at the end of the day, I know you can say that even though Dick talks a lot of shit, he’s never done anything to me.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
And that’s a fact. So, and I do worry when you say: oh I’m locking doors…I do worry that you’ll say that to your brother or sister, and it’s gone get out of hand and something deadly is gonna happen…or anybody else that you quote, confide in and you see what happens when you confide in people, period. And I will tell you now, you wanna be very careful what you confide in Anessa about, because Anessa has a big ass mouth and she talks too much and Shonna does also. So, I’m just telling you as your friend, you can confide in Shonna if you want to, the bitch is a loose cannon, and she doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. And the first thing that’s gone happen is, my cousin is gonna question her and she’s gone fold up like a fucking tent and tell him any and everything cause she’s that fucking weak minded.
Sarah:
MmmHmm
Dick:
Choose your confidant’s wisely, and Anessa is a messy ass, loud mouth fucking woman who plays camillian role real good: oh baby girl, I…Anessa is trifling as fuck and if you wanna add her to your little list of people you wanna confide in just be careful what you tell her, cause we could have a Tricksy issue all over again. I’m not saying don’t talk to people, I’m just saying be careful what you tell people, ok., especially people that I have a professional relationship with. I’m on your side. I love you.
I know I devastated you and I broke your heart, I do know that and I am truly sorry because I didn’t need to fuck Tricksy in order to deal with you, but I did because it was the least of two evils that I had to choose from and the worst one would have been 10 million times more devastating than fucking that girl.
So, I’m going to take care of you Sarah. I love you. I would have no problem sending you off to a resort for the weekend, ok, I have no problem helping you heal as best as I can, BUT I do not deserve for you to look me in the face and tell me; “oh I lock doors Dick, because I don’t know what you’ll do to me”, I don’t deserve that. It’s unfair and it’s fucked up.😵💫.
I love you. I do love you. I do care for you, I do care about you. My reaction to this whole thing is over. My reaction to the whole lawyer thing is over. Now we need to try to pick up some pieces, because Dick and Sarah were a very special thing at one time.
And what I know for a fact sweetie, there is no man on this planet that would take on the responsibility of Sarah. He wouldn’t, not at this age, and even if he would, I don’t believe you would truly be able to trust him to truly follow through.
You are not in a position with this man who you trusted and loved, even though he did some foul shit with your niece, you are not in a position where you have to be afraid of losing everything because of it. Cause I’m not your dad. I ain’t gone walk away and just shun all my responsibilities and leave my spouse high and dry. I’m not your dad, I’m me.
BUT I would like you to try to process on a level of understanding magnitude as opposed to saying: “I lied, I did this” cause it’s so much more than that. So, I hope that this conversation has helped you not feel something you been feeling; and if you’ve been feeling it, I believe you and I’ll accept that it’s real, but you don’t have to be afraid of me Sarah, because every opportunity I’ve had to hurt you, I have chosen not to, every opportunity where I was inclined to be a real, low-down piece of shit, where you were concerned, I chose not to; because the love I have for you is real and it always will be. And just because I still talk to Tricksy, I am not controlled by this woman in any way.
“It doesn’t matter how dirty others play; karma has a big bite. Always move with a genuine heart and pure intentions.”
Thoughts/Reflections:
If I had already rescinded the divorce at his request and threats, why do you believe he would threaten what would have happened if we had gone to court?
Do you believe it was cruel and intentional to remind me of my vulnerability when he mentioned my disability?
Would you have been afraid to go against the person you were forced to depend on?
How would you advise someone with a disability to handle a situation like this?
Copyright ©️ 2025