Part 29 The Chronicles Of Being Sarah Marie

“You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up;

Who The Fuck Did I Divorce?”

LISTEN!Amenable:

(Ready or willing to answer, act, agree, or yield; open to influence, persuasion, or advice; agreeable; submissive; tractable:

an amenable servant.)

The more amenable I was to my husband; the more confidence and ammunition it seemed to give him to fire his weapons of manipulation, love bombing and control.

He flexed his financial dominance and pounced on every single thing I said, or did that did not fall within the parameters of what he deemed acceptable.

I was his emotional punching bag and in a constant state of catering to his insecurities and inflated, yet fragile ego.

He equated loyalty and him being “a good man” to taking care of me financially and nothing else!

It was so much psychological warfare, that I changed his ring tone to the ominous JAWS sound just to prepare myself for what I would face.  From one moment to the next, I never knew what to expect.   Was it gonna be sunny, partly cloudy, or a freaking thunderstorm?  More times than not, it was all three.

I knew what he was doing and who he was doing it with and NEVER gave him one ounce of drama or questioned him about it.

I honestly, at that point, did not care!  I wanted peace, healing, for him to leave me alone and just go be happy doing whatever he wanted to do, and whoever he wanted to do it with.

The pain, heartbreak, and overwhelming sadness still existed, but my emotional attachment to him or the marriage was demolished!  I had already resolved in my heart and mind that there was no coming back from that level of betrayal, disloyalty, and disrespect.

I was done, but dammit man, I had allowed myself to be in a situation of financial dependency, not because I was lazy, not working, and sitting around sipping tea, shopping all day and eating bon bon’s, it was because I put all my eggs of trust, vulnerabilities, support, and unconditional love in a basket with a lot of holes.

There are so many women who find themselves in the same boat with no life jacket.  There is honor in being a stay-at-home mom, wife, and support system to your spouse, but it is also a high risk position to be in.

Wednesday’s Part 30, I will fast forward to 2022.  You will be shaking yo damn head and saying; “You just can’t make this sh@t up; who the fu@k did she divorce?

Signs to look for in a toxic, abusive relationship with a narcissist:

• Love bombing followed by devaluation: This narcissistic trait involves showering you with love, attention, affection, and praise. Eventually, however, behaviors of criticism, control, and cynicism may occur. This pattern often repeats, which creates a cycle of highs and lows that may keep you emotionally dependent.

Lack of empathy: In a relationship, a lack of empathy can look like dismissing your feelings, ignoring your needs, or being indifferent when facing difficulties.

• Constant criticism and blame: You might notice that they constantly criticize you for small things or make you feel inadequate, often shifting blame to you for problems they created in the relationship.

• Isolation: This could manifest as creating conflict or making you feel guilty for spending time with or communicating with others.

• Walking on eggshells: If you feel you need to soothe someone more often than not or try to avoid setting them off or being overly cautious with your words or actions, this is a sign of emotional instability caused by narcissistic abuse.

“I have hidden her pain but now I must allow her voice to be heard!”

Love and Light,

Sarah Marie🌹

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