Part 43 The Chronicles Of Being Sarah Marie
“You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up;
Who, What & How The Fuck Have I Survived The Unthinkable!”
LISTEN!
I spoke to a dear friend that I’ve known for over 30 years just yesterday, and was shocked to hear that she too has been “growing” through some of the same unnecessary court appearances and venom with her ex-husband.
She shared with me the profound psychological, emotional, financial and physical impact it has had on her. She was totally unaware that I was dealing with the same thing.
Although she hated to hear about my mirroring experience, the relief in her voice knowing that I understood, could relate, that she wasn’t alone, and being able to offer her a different perspective, and one that empowered her sense of self, as crazy as this sounds; it made the last 6 years of my journey worth it.🤗
One of the most challenging aspects is how a narcissist can skillfully shift the narrative, placing all the blame on their partner and making them appear to be the "crazy one" to outside observers. This intentional manipulation often leaves someone like my friend feeling isolated and misunderstood while they are simply trying to navigate a difficult transition.
It is deeply enlightening to observe how an abuser may utilize threats, blame, and ridicule one moment, only to pivot instantly to declarations of love the next.
This rapid shift is frequently a calculated tactic designed to confuse their prey, creating a sense of emotional whiplash that keeps the individual complicit and off-balance. It certainly worked on me.
By mingling hostility with affection, they weave a narrative that makes it difficult for the other person to trust their own reality.
I stayed confused. Hurt. In a perpetual state of walking, well in my case, rolling on eggshells afraid to do or say anything to set him off.
Often questioning and doubting myself, then wondering how someone could declare how much they loved me, and then literally 3 seconds later threaten to kill me.
My consistent pleas to move on, heal, be at peace, get a divorce, finish my memoir, my constant apologies to HIM, genuinely wanting his happiness were unheard, dismissed, and ignored.
The next few verbatim communications (Parts 43, 44 & 45) I had with him from the very beginning were my consistent responses over a 2 1/2 year period, and were usually after I was scolded, threatened, reminded that I wouldn’t have shit if it weren’t for him, blamed for his behavior, chastised, ridiculed, then apologies, promises, beautiful expressions of loving me, etc., etc., etc.
It was psychological warfare, and sweet abuse. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but I was in a downward spiral of apologizing for his actions/behavior.
July 28, 2020 verbatim text:
“Dick, the last thing I want or need is to fight or be at odds with you. This is already toxic and fu@ked up on its own without added drama. I'm just tired. Scared and uneasy about the shaky foundation beneath me. It's painful to talk and to look at you because of all this.
I feel like every conversation is one-sided and your continued efforts to drive home how this is all my fault and if so, I get it. I'm in an impossible situation of smile, don't go outside the line, be a good lil girl if you don't want the man who shattered and broke your heart to hate YOU and leave you high and dry.
The reason I don't talk to you is I immediately get sick to my stomach. I'm not trying to be ugly or mean or dismissive in anyway, it's just too soon I guess for me. I understand I made up a story to her in an effort to help, definitely not to manipulate her to not hurt Your nephew that's ridiculous, and yes I lied to you initially about the picture, but did this warrant my husband and my niece to sneak around my back, in front of my face, at my home, at the Club, to fu@k and literally date and build a relationship while smiling in my face and making it seem like I'm the crazy one?
So yes I filled for divorce because I believed talking to you was going to illicit more lies and the charade would have continued...I didn't know what else to do. I'm sick, I'm tied, exhausted and don't want to hurt anymore Dick. I'm scared, feel totally alone and am angry but can't express it so I won't upset YOU?
This is some sick shit and I really don't care if the whole damn world believes it 100% my fault that what I lied about and made up forced my husband and my niece into an affair...I don't care! I just want to try and put my life back together. Heal my heart, my soul, my body and finish my book.
If you're happy Dick I'm happy for you and wish you only the best. I tried everything in me to be good to you, support you and love you for 15 years, all I want and need is what I've worked for and PEACE.
I don't want to be afraid that I'm gonna lose everything because you don't like me anymore...sorry if I'm not being my normal self but this shit is painful as hell 😢and with the dynamics of the situation and who's involved it was gonna be a ratchet ass shit show no matter what.
I hate I made you fu@k her but here we are and I don't wanna hate you either but you gotta hopefully understand the hurt, pain and great loss I feel, this is a hurt I didn't know was possible and NEVER saw coming.”
#YouJustCan’tMakeThisSh@tUp!
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